It is 8:52 pm and I am in bed. My heart hurts and I want to cry. This one is going to be complainy.
I think I am over my head. I know there was a reason, a real reason why I wanted to this, specifically in Chicago. I know I said something to at lwast one person that was genuine real reason to be here for something bigger than me. I know I can still tell you what that is if you give me a minute. But really at this moment I cannot. I go to work everyday and fall in love with my kids. Who really do have the potential to be amazing, to bash in the stereotypes. But then they leave and I fall out of love with Public School.
I ran around the building today trying to figure out what to do about grades for my credit recovery kids...my kids who are in serious danger of failing out of high school so they are taking online credit recovery classes - that are hard, that were brought to Harper from someone at Jones College Prep high School - our kids are not the kids that can teach themselves, not yet. But essentially that is what credit recovery is...so out of 140 kids in the program ony 20 have passed and finished a couse...about $40,000 of wasted funds.... "What do I do about my special ed kid that was in the course, even though he shouldn't be and i have been trying to get him out since week one? He finished but has a 27%..."
According the final authority on credit recovery at my school I fail him....I refuse to fail a child that legally has the right to certain resources and modification....I refuse to fail him because we did not provide for him... we did not give him the things he needs... I was told to fail him becasue there was nothing else we could do... This coming from the person who can give me a solution...so what did I do...I didn't give him a grade... I am sure I will be called to the office at somepoint...if they notice...
Tomorrow I either will get more English classes to teach or will continue to teach one English class and have four credit recovery classes... I want English classes.... I didn't move to Chicago to not teach English... I want to be an English teacher...at least right now I do. I hate everything about only having one class... I know the grass is always greener and IF I get a full load I will complain about all the work...but then at least I would be doing something...I am not if I ever felt useless before...I feel like a waste. A teacher who the security gaurds call Ms Computer Teacher... because I push around a computer cart for my almost fail outs... who I love.
