One down...so much more to go...

< Some of my kiddies!!!

I am one away from having taught my first semester of high school English. I really cannot believe it. I have almost been in Chicago for 6 months. I have almost been out of school for almost 8. Where did the days go? I am going to sleep and waking up each day and moving along to get right back in to bed...for what? I am not sure if I am putting in the best effort I can muster.

I cannot believe I have been here this long. Other TFAers would say "as long as you make it to November you will be fine." Then they said, "You just have to make it to winter break, then you will be fine." Then it is spring break, then you are done with your first year and you are apparently golden...I have feeling fairly rusted at the moment. Perhaps this goldeness comes on fast.

Harper has not changed much. Only two teachers did not come back after the break. Only one really fled the scene, jumped ship. So that is impressive considering people were anticipating about 8 teachers no returning. Granted next year is a whole new question. I have only talked with 4 teachers who want to stay. Three TFA teachers (1 being me) and one teacher who is pregnant. Everyone else is looking for jobs...I am sure it is not everyone but it seems that way.

I want to cry about it. But I won't. Not yet at least.

I cannot imagine spending my entire education know that my teachers didn't want to be there with me. The more I pay attention the more I realize that very few people go in to teaching to teach, very few people are here for the kids...I know how silly of me to think otherwise... I cannot help but think that there are people who have been at Harper for 10 + years because they want to be there for the kids...it was upsetting to realize that they have stayed because it is easier to not look for a liberal arts teaching job. These teachers I am talking about are terrible teachers. One is in my department, has been teaching here for 18 years, she gives the students worksheets and then sits at her desk for the remaining 85 minutes. She supported giving them a standardized test as their final and then awarding them completion grades since the test did not assess anything we actually taught them...she is a grade inflater thus her students are passing...I cannot bring myself to repect her or take any advice from her...

I am finding it harder and harder to know what to think...