Friday, April 13, 2012
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Making Plans 101: Never make plans
My friend CBR and I have been spending a ton of time together lately. Granted she is moving away soon so I making a point to spend every possibly moment with her. More importantly we are spending this time together because we made plans to do so. Last night during our farewell I said "I hope you don't feel like I am trying to hog you! I mean I am but I don't want you to feel that way!"
Her response was simply, "I don't. Plus, You're the only one who will make PLANS!"
So, people! What is the deal! What is so wrong with making plans???? I consider myself to be fairly spontaneous and free spirited. But I don't mind making plans. I accept that I am strange breed. I can be chaotic yet love planners, and the idea of organization. I also like to see people. I like to make time for people and for myself. So I make plans.
That way when too many things come up I can say "oh I can't I have plans. But. let's do something tomorrow or this weekend."
Most people I know have jobs... very few of them have 9-5 jobs so planning is integral in maintaining those relationships. Yes, I used the "R" word. Im ok with it.
So how do people do it? The people that are never making plans? How do they have relationships that are consistent and worthwhile if they are not making plans? Are they just sitting around waiting for some to call so they can pounce on the phone and say, "Oh, me? I'm not doing anything... just hanging... sure I can XYZ..."
Should I be more like that? I am to a degree but there is comfort in knowing that on Tuesday I will be going to the movies with Caitlin so I have to have my work done and can't play Wii with Timmy... or whatever.
I have a friend who i very much enjoy spending time with but he never likes to make plans. We have very different schedules. For a long time we operated on a day by day, case by case basis. Fine. But that is exhausting. Who knows maybe I am not at all free moving. Which is why I want plans.
I don't think I am asking for much. Just something to look forward too.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
ExtraOrdinary
I don't consider myself to be the type of girl that listens to "angry chick rock;" however, I do love me some Fiona. Especially "Extraordinary Machine." My former roommate, Hendrick, used to make fun of me because my favorite song of hers was the title track to an album. "The title track can't be your favorite song, that is lame!" Perhaps he is right but I dont care I love it! SO - Here is some "Extraordinary Machine" Thanks Fiona Apple.
I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
(anyone who knows me knows that I love shoes, and yes these are new!)
And I certainly haven't been spreading myself around
(I would say that over-involved began to describe me in the 3rd grade)
I still only travel by foot and by foot it's a slow climb
(But all the sights there are to see!)
But I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time
(I've learned to be awkward from the best of them! I think being uncomfortable is how you grow, how you figure out what it is that you do actually want.)
I noticed that my opponent is always on the go
And won't go slow so as not to focus and I notice
(This is probably true... remember my last year of college, when did I breath? I stack those plates high on purpose, there is no denying that)
He'll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came
(I think that people often "run" from confrontation, especially from those that they trust and want to be trusted by.)
But he's no good at being uncomfortable so he can't stop staying exactly the same
(This idea aggravates me.)
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
(I'm not saying that I would take it, I have been known to seek out the hard way.)
I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
(I like the hard way, there are more opportunities to learn things, meet people, figure out how to deal, heartache can be a good thing (sometimes).)
Be kind to me or treat me mean
(But always be honest.)
I'll make the most of it I'm an extraordinary machine
(At least I want to be.)
I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
(Disasters are relative)
You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
(The way I see it, shouldn't I be the one determining this...)
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way
(In the words of Big D and the Kids Table..."I will not be a slave to time, time must learn to roll with me.")
And say I've been getting along for long before you came into the play
(I find this pessimistic)
Some really "important" female writer of sometime between 1970 - 1985 wrote once, "when two people meet, some form of love occurs." I agree with that. Now, your most likely thinking "what about when you meet someone and they suck and you know just as Pooh Bear knows he loves honey that you cannot like this person let alone spend another second with them!" My response - love occurs, even if it within yourself, even if it a greater appreciation (love) for those you know that are nothing like this person, love for the fact that you have the ability to recognize who you do not want to be like.
In case you don't know me that well, know that I definitely do not love everyone. Many yes - some people say that is wrong, but they must not have met the people I know - I have little patience for what I think is a waste. Even less patience for people who don't care about the people they surround themselves with. I mean you KNOW I think most people underestimate the idea of community.
I've been thinking about Nepal more these days. I think I don't know how I get there. Not literally. I mean I know how to buy a ticket and pitch a small tent. What I think I am unsure of is how I take the time to go. Funny, I like to think of myself as someone who is a "Free Spirit" (To barrow from Tamara) but I like being a contributing member of society. I like having responsibility. So I how do I take this need for contribution and still pack up and go on the adventure of my life, find the people that have sparked years of curiosity, climb the mountain of all mountains. I just to it. Right. Right.
I enjoy Anthony Bourdain.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Absenteeism
To Whom It May Concern:
Please excuse Margi from her absence. She has been preoccupied. She will try harder to get it together.
Thank you.
So its been almost a year since I last wrote on this thing. I can't believe that much time has passed. It is going by so quickly, too quickly. I am not ready for what lies ahead. So many things.
2010.
New school, new students, new friends, same commute - mostly, new books, better books, same tiny apartment - tiny, feeling so tiny, same messy desk, same qualms with the dryer, new love for lil wayne - hahahahah but seriously, same best friends, same favorite person in the world, new like interests, new shopping patterns - much more dangerous! Same love for a dance party, new people to D.A.N.C.E. with, same love for NEW MEXICO, new love for CHICAGO, new roommate, some love for the old ones. Same feeling of overwhelming disorganization!
"I used to be a writer." Can you stop being a writer? Am I vacationing? Can you vacation from something like writing? I wonder? I was reading my friends blog and she mentioned that she journaled for 45 mins the other night. I thought, "Man, I used to write for hours, drink cup after cup of miserable coffee and write, write, write, write and doodle." I cant remember the last time I wrote something for real. It was probably in class. Not the last writing class I took because we didn't write in that class....PS: Don't take Diane Thiel...you don't write in her class...we talked about what we "wrote about." So that must mean that the last time I actually wrote something was in Greg Martin's class (HOT!). Three years ago. Sad. I used to be writer.
It is cold. Very Cold.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Things are changing...for the better...which is for the best.
I used to hate it here. Here being Chicago. Not just because of the snow, the traffic, the lack of trees, the lack stars, the nonexistence of mountains. Not just because of those things. I hated it here because I felt so different. I was in place where no one knew me, a very new feeling for me. Not to be self absorbed but I was spoiled by Albuquerque. I used to hate it because there was no air to breath that tasted like rain. No dirt to whip away after a strong breeze. No cold flashes under the 110 degree sun. I miss that!
I love it here. Sure it's cold. The blistering wind is similar to the dust blowing New Mexican zephyr. I can't really saw what it is, what changed my mind. I have actually become more busy so I've seen my friends less. So, it can't be that. I wonder what it is? This slushy snow is annoying. Waiting for the bus when it is -15 out sucks. Regardless, I like it here. I'm happy here.
So I agree, Chicago - Mid West city, best city in the whole wide....mid west. (Sorry I can't give it the world....there are too many places out there!)
Saturday, April 25, 2009
ACT APT
Remember how bored you were taking the ACT?
Well, try proctoring it, or worse yet supervising it. Watching 9 students take the ACT is probably the most boring thing I have ever done. If not the most definitely in the top 3.
With that said I must admit that sitting and walking around the room while my one group of students struggled with their OMITS And NO CHANGE responses I felt a sense of "grown up" -ness. I decided that proctoring the ACT not only makes me more grown up than I am willing to but also more of a teacher than I was a week ago. I mean how many people do I know that have had to sit through the silent misery of watching 17 year olds fill in bubbles.
As test supervisors we were not allowed to do anything. I couldn't grade papers, read, eat clementines - nothing. According the rule book I wasn't even allowed to drink the water they gave me during snack time. But since they gave it me I drank it. I know - REBEL!
I had one kid get his test invalidated because he went back and filled in bubbles from test 1 during test 2. I was the only one who had to invalidate a test.
This made me think....perhaps I am too much. Too much of a rule follower. I could have easily turned my head and said nothing and the kid would have finished his ACT and life would have gone on. I'm not sure if I feel bad. It was only a practice. So it doesnt really matter....I mean really...right???
Well, try proctoring it, or worse yet supervising it. Watching 9 students take the ACT is probably the most boring thing I have ever done. If not the most definitely in the top 3.
With that said I must admit that sitting and walking around the room while my one group of students struggled with their OMITS And NO CHANGE responses I felt a sense of "grown up" -ness. I decided that proctoring the ACT not only makes me more grown up than I am willing to but also more of a teacher than I was a week ago. I mean how many people do I know that have had to sit through the silent misery of watching 17 year olds fill in bubbles.
As test supervisors we were not allowed to do anything. I couldn't grade papers, read, eat clementines - nothing. According the rule book I wasn't even allowed to drink the water they gave me during snack time. But since they gave it me I drank it. I know - REBEL!
I had one kid get his test invalidated because he went back and filled in bubbles from test 1 during test 2. I was the only one who had to invalidate a test.
This made me think....perhaps I am too much. Too much of a rule follower. I could have easily turned my head and said nothing and the kid would have finished his ACT and life would have gone on. I'm not sure if I feel bad. It was only a practice. So it doesnt really matter....I mean really...right???
Anywho...I don't want to have to sit through that again.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
You gave me a cart and then you fired me!
"you are already crying... This letter is to inform you that you are not being invited back next year..."
It's official I have been fired, laid off, not asked back, cut for budget reasons, cut because I do not have tenure and the Chicago Teachers Union is a load of crap. What ever you call it I will not be returning to Harper High School next year. I will not have a room a Harper, I will not be pushing the lap top cart around in the 09 10 school year. I will not need to find someone to let me in the women's bathroom next to the English department ever again. If you know me, you know I cried about it. I did. I cried. I had a beer with some other teachers that were also not invited back. I went home put on my pajamas and sat on the couch with my roommate. Cried a little, watched some Sinbad, laughed, talked about the awesome TV shows we watched as kids and went to bed.
Before you feel too bad for me know that I was fired purely for polotical/beauraucratic reasons. In Chicago a tenured teacher cannot be fired (or what ever you want to call it) it takes 5 years to become tenured. I was literally the last person hired at Harper. Harper was supposed to fire 14 teachers in September but becasue we are a "turnaround" school were allowed to keep everyone, even though some teachers suck. So me, another 08 TFA and 23 other teachers were called in to th office one at time during 7th and 8th period to hear the news. Some of us teach classes during those periods but they didn't care. Luckily I do not teach a 8th period so I did not have to return to my class after the news.
It did feel good when about 6 of my kids came looking for me...becasue the kids know everything at Harper and usually they know things before we do...it was nice when CG came in to the English work room sat down next to me apologized with tears streaming down her cheeks about ditching my class that day. Then she say next to me for about 20 minutes and cried, she didnt say any thing. I knew then that Candise really did care that I was not going to be returning. "Candise, you are graduating, you won't even be here."
"But I want you to be here for my friends, I want to com visit you."
Clyde offered to put on a mask and fill a sock with rocks and bash in the Princepal's car for me. I loved that. I really did. Don't worry I told him NO. I told him to go talk with Butler instead, stage a peaceful proteset but not end up arrested because of anything.
It's official I have been fired, laid off, not asked back, cut for budget reasons, cut because I do not have tenure and the Chicago Teachers Union is a load of crap. What ever you call it I will not be returning to Harper High School next year. I will not have a room a Harper, I will not be pushing the lap top cart around in the 09 10 school year. I will not need to find someone to let me in the women's bathroom next to the English department ever again. If you know me, you know I cried about it. I did. I cried. I had a beer with some other teachers that were also not invited back. I went home put on my pajamas and sat on the couch with my roommate. Cried a little, watched some Sinbad, laughed, talked about the awesome TV shows we watched as kids and went to bed.
Before you feel too bad for me know that I was fired purely for polotical/beauraucratic reasons. In Chicago a tenured teacher cannot be fired (or what ever you want to call it) it takes 5 years to become tenured. I was literally the last person hired at Harper. Harper was supposed to fire 14 teachers in September but becasue we are a "turnaround" school were allowed to keep everyone, even though some teachers suck. So me, another 08 TFA and 23 other teachers were called in to th office one at time during 7th and 8th period to hear the news. Some of us teach classes during those periods but they didn't care. Luckily I do not teach a 8th period so I did not have to return to my class after the news.
It did feel good when about 6 of my kids came looking for me...becasue the kids know everything at Harper and usually they know things before we do...it was nice when CG came in to the English work room sat down next to me apologized with tears streaming down her cheeks about ditching my class that day. Then she say next to me for about 20 minutes and cried, she didnt say any thing. I knew then that Candise really did care that I was not going to be returning. "Candise, you are graduating, you won't even be here."
"But I want you to be here for my friends, I want to com visit you."
Clyde offered to put on a mask and fill a sock with rocks and bash in the Princepal's car for me. I loved that. I really did. Don't worry I told him NO. I told him to go talk with Butler instead, stage a peaceful proteset but not end up arrested because of anything.
I love those students. Even when I hate them. I love them more when I hate them. I love them the most when they are willing to break the law for me. Truth.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Nothing too exciting...
Week two of the semester is done and my class schedule is mostly, but not officially, worked out. I now have a total of 4 classes - 3 12th grade English and 1 11th grade English. Teachers are supposed to only have one prep - class, ie: all 12th grade or all 11th grade, but for what ever reason I am the only teacher with 2 preps. Of course. Oh well, I like my 11th graders.
This past week was kind of crazy. The kids are in full Prom Fever Swing! Prom is their life, the pinnacle of what to look forward to. It is sad but for many of them this might end up being the nicest event of their lives. Our girls spend about $600-1000 getting their dressed custom made. Heaven forbid they by a dress off the rack. Many of my girls went fabric shopping this weekend. When I tell them I bought my dress a few days before prom, bought the first one I found in my size they freak out! I have yet to mention that I only went to my junior prom...I think I'll keep this one a secret...I actually don't even think the juniors go to prom here...unless they are asked...
Well, Friday a ton of kids were not in class. I saw most of them around but they were not in class. The Dance team had a pep assembly. As far as I can tell it was unsanctioned. I know for a fact I did not sign any slips allowing my dance team students to miss class in order to preform at every lunch...most of my dance teams kids are failing... the two captains and the coach were off campus at dance competition. Knowing out students the dance team just decided to wear their uniforms and dance at the lunch periods. Making the kids all crazy!
I am going home this Thursday, going to Albuquerque. I cannot wait! I miss home. I miss mountains. I miss dirt, there is no dirt in the city. I mean there is no dry, fine, was never mud kind of dirt. In the city there is sand, but not dirt.
This past week was kind of crazy. The kids are in full Prom Fever Swing! Prom is their life, the pinnacle of what to look forward to. It is sad but for many of them this might end up being the nicest event of their lives. Our girls spend about $600-1000 getting their dressed custom made. Heaven forbid they by a dress off the rack. Many of my girls went fabric shopping this weekend. When I tell them I bought my dress a few days before prom, bought the first one I found in my size they freak out! I have yet to mention that I only went to my junior prom...I think I'll keep this one a secret...I actually don't even think the juniors go to prom here...unless they are asked...
Well, Friday a ton of kids were not in class. I saw most of them around but they were not in class. The Dance team had a pep assembly. As far as I can tell it was unsanctioned. I know for a fact I did not sign any slips allowing my dance team students to miss class in order to preform at every lunch...most of my dance teams kids are failing... the two captains and the coach were off campus at dance competition. Knowing out students the dance team just decided to wear their uniforms and dance at the lunch periods. Making the kids all crazy!
I am going home this Thursday, going to Albuquerque. I cannot wait! I miss home. I miss mountains. I miss dirt, there is no dirt in the city. I mean there is no dry, fine, was never mud kind of dirt. In the city there is sand, but not dirt.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Ms. Miranda Come Back!
Yesterday I was eating lunch during my fifth period class...I was not in class because they are supposed to pay you more if you teach more than 5 classes and I guess you cannot teach four in row...so I was enjoying some leftovers (because you know I cook regularly now) while my co teacher was supposed to be administering a test to the kiddies....
Next thing I know, Doni and Shay bust in to the work room all worked up (haha) about something and are yelling - because that is the prefered volume for Harper kids - albeit apologizing for interupting our lunch.worktime....that was nice of them.... essentially this is what happened...
"Ms. Miranda, we left out because wes not be doing anything in there...I know Ms. Miranda I cmplained because you be givin us too much work but I WANT SOME WORK! (hand thrusts out towards me) She not be doing anyhting, that wite lady, all them kids be messin around, Come back! That white lady is just standing there she said 'I am not even a real teacher, I am not your teacher Ms Miranda is your teacher, and I dont have anything for you to do...I dont know waht you are supposed to be doing, I am the SPECIAL ED teacher I can only give these kdis grades....then she read the names... Ms. Miranda be our teacher agian"
1. Co teaching is about doing what is best for all the students in class...I work very hard so the kids dont know the real reason why there are two teachers in the room...they are just "fortunate to have two teachers to help you...."
2. HELLO Student confidentiality...YOU CANNOT READ OFF THE ROSTER OF IES KIDS! DUH!
3. Where do they finds some of these people...White Lady...if you can't handle it get out of the Kitchen....that's why we pay security....
4. Those kids are not even that bad!!! they talk they walk around, but the are good kids...White Lady needs to step it up and DO HER JOB!
5. She is one the 11th grade team she has the lesson plans and is provided with the same materials I am...NOTHING. She should have DONE HER JOB and prepared for class...especially since this was her 3rd day with them and she KNEW I WASNT going to bee there!
6. Seriously where do they find these teachers!
Next thing I know, Doni and Shay bust in to the work room all worked up (haha) about something and are yelling - because that is the prefered volume for Harper kids - albeit apologizing for interupting our lunch.worktime....that was nice of them.... essentially this is what happened...
"Ms. Miranda, we left out because wes not be doing anything in there...I know Ms. Miranda I cmplained because you be givin us too much work but I WANT SOME WORK! (hand thrusts out towards me) She not be doing anyhting, that wite lady, all them kids be messin around, Come back! That white lady is just standing there she said 'I am not even a real teacher, I am not your teacher Ms Miranda is your teacher, and I dont have anything for you to do...I dont know waht you are supposed to be doing, I am the SPECIAL ED teacher I can only give these kdis grades....then she read the names... Ms. Miranda be our teacher agian"
1. Co teaching is about doing what is best for all the students in class...I work very hard so the kids dont know the real reason why there are two teachers in the room...they are just "fortunate to have two teachers to help you...."
2. HELLO Student confidentiality...YOU CANNOT READ OFF THE ROSTER OF IES KIDS! DUH!
3. Where do they finds some of these people...White Lady...if you can't handle it get out of the Kitchen....that's why we pay security....
4. Those kids are not even that bad!!! they talk they walk around, but the are good kids...White Lady needs to step it up and DO HER JOB!
5. She is one the 11th grade team she has the lesson plans and is provided with the same materials I am...NOTHING. She should have DONE HER JOB and prepared for class...especially since this was her 3rd day with them and she KNEW I WASNT going to bee there!
6. Seriously where do they find these teachers!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Slap Heard Around the Stairwell...
I slapped a kid today.
After running around the entire building during 3rd period today looking for my co-teacher...who is NEVER where she should be...(I think she hides from me...because I make her work...haha! well, DUH!) I was running down the main stairwell when I saw a Fulton*....I knew the other 3 were close behind. Before I have the chance to see any of the others or finish say "hey Arsenio," my Matrix reflexes kick in and I am dodging a water bottle that is enroute directly at my face! Now, while normally I would have been pegged in the face with said water bottle I am current TEACHER MARGI, so these Matrix reflexes I actually possess! They all immediately stop and back up against the wall and start apologizes like there is no tomorrow, even the ones that didn't do anything. Because I know the Fulton Brothers I know, even though technically I didn't see, that Michael (the non-Fulton) threw the bottle. I took two steps towards him and the all stoped - silent for the first time, maybe ever... he lifted his hands and I slapped him...He knew it was coming. I looked them all in the eye as I turned down the stairs. The other three busted up laughing...and I definately did too! Security came running...always too late, and I just looked at them and continued on my way...
*The Fulton Brothers are quadruplets...three of which go to Harper, there are actually 13 total Fultons, I think 5 go to Harper, not all of them have the last name of Fulton, one is named Michael - not entirely sure I believe he is related to the quads but is ALWAYS with them...they are never in class, always wandering the hallway, ALWAYS! Together, they following me around, always appearing in my classes, I don't offcially have ANY of them! Aaron, the oldests likes o ask me to marry him everyday...then the asks for a divorce when I start repremanding him for not being in class...so this also happens daily!
Before you call the authorities on me know that I NEVER do this! I am suprised that I did... but because it was the Fultons I deem it ok. I deem it Hilarious! If you think the Fultons were upset with me then you better believe that 2 of the four tried to break in to my 8th period "but we love you, we don't like our 8th period teacher...come on let us in...please?"
---
Today is day two of the 8 classes a day for 45ish minutes. I love it. They day flies by, I don't have time to be tired. I actually ran out of time and didn't get to all the reading! That has NEVER happened before!
Today was also Senior Skip Day Part 1...apparently this is a 4 part spectacle!
I implemented a seating chart for my crazy 2nd period 12th grade class...which I think having a seating chart for 12th graders is DUMB...but this class needs it...I had a whole speal about how they could "win" back the right to sit where they want. but of course because of Part 1 of the Four part Series all the kiddos I needed to hear my seating chart soap box were Abesnt!
Such is life!!!
After running around the entire building during 3rd period today looking for my co-teacher...who is NEVER where she should be...(I think she hides from me...because I make her work...haha! well, DUH!) I was running down the main stairwell when I saw a Fulton*....I knew the other 3 were close behind. Before I have the chance to see any of the others or finish say "hey Arsenio," my Matrix reflexes kick in and I am dodging a water bottle that is enroute directly at my face! Now, while normally I would have been pegged in the face with said water bottle I am current TEACHER MARGI, so these Matrix reflexes I actually possess! They all immediately stop and back up against the wall and start apologizes like there is no tomorrow, even the ones that didn't do anything. Because I know the Fulton Brothers I know, even though technically I didn't see, that Michael (the non-Fulton) threw the bottle. I took two steps towards him and the all stoped - silent for the first time, maybe ever... he lifted his hands and I slapped him...He knew it was coming. I looked them all in the eye as I turned down the stairs. The other three busted up laughing...and I definately did too! Security came running...always too late, and I just looked at them and continued on my way...
*The Fulton Brothers are quadruplets...three of which go to Harper, there are actually 13 total Fultons, I think 5 go to Harper, not all of them have the last name of Fulton, one is named Michael - not entirely sure I believe he is related to the quads but is ALWAYS with them...they are never in class, always wandering the hallway, ALWAYS! Together, they following me around, always appearing in my classes, I don't offcially have ANY of them! Aaron, the oldests likes o ask me to marry him everyday...then the asks for a divorce when I start repremanding him for not being in class...so this also happens daily!
Before you call the authorities on me know that I NEVER do this! I am suprised that I did... but because it was the Fultons I deem it ok. I deem it Hilarious! If you think the Fultons were upset with me then you better believe that 2 of the four tried to break in to my 8th period "but we love you, we don't like our 8th period teacher...come on let us in...please?"
---
Today is day two of the 8 classes a day for 45ish minutes. I love it. They day flies by, I don't have time to be tired. I actually ran out of time and didn't get to all the reading! That has NEVER happened before!
Today was also Senior Skip Day Part 1...apparently this is a 4 part spectacle!
I implemented a seating chart for my crazy 2nd period 12th grade class...which I think having a seating chart for 12th graders is DUMB...but this class needs it...I had a whole speal about how they could "win" back the right to sit where they want. but of course because of Part 1 of the Four part Series all the kiddos I needed to hear my seating chart soap box were Abesnt!
Such is life!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Mondays are for changes...
I think the weather is getting to me... tomorrow we will be back in the negatives... I never had an issue with negative numbers but now I hate them... They hurt me, especially my legs...my legs were not meant for this weather...and it really hurts the no brushing the hair thing I have going...leaving the house with wet hair I am pretty sure is a bad idea.
Monday the 26th is the first day of our spring semester. I am 90% sure that I am will have all new classes with all new kids...up till now I have been teaching the 11th grade - now I am teaching the 12th grade... While this is good for me in terms of creating lessons, having more freedom and what not I am losing my 11th graders...
I am really happy and excited to teach the 12th grade for one I now have 3 sections of English instead of just one.. but I feel like ultimately all these changes does an immense disservice to our kids.
Monday the 26th is the first day of our spring semester. I am 90% sure that I am will have all new classes with all new kids...up till now I have been teaching the 11th grade - now I am teaching the 12th grade... While this is good for me in terms of creating lessons, having more freedom and what not I am losing my 11th graders...
I am really happy and excited to teach the 12th grade for one I now have 3 sections of English instead of just one.. but I feel like ultimately all these changes does an immense disservice to our kids.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
What would be better?
It is 8:52 pm and I am in bed. My heart hurts and I want to cry. This one is going to be complainy.
I think I am over my head. I know there was a reason, a real reason why I wanted to this, specifically in Chicago. I know I said something to at lwast one person that was genuine real reason to be here for something bigger than me. I know I can still tell you what that is if you give me a minute. But really at this moment I cannot. I go to work everyday and fall in love with my kids. Who really do have the potential to be amazing, to bash in the stereotypes. But then they leave and I fall out of love with Public School.
I ran around the building today trying to figure out what to do about grades for my credit recovery kids...my kids who are in serious danger of failing out of high school so they are taking online credit recovery classes - that are hard, that were brought to Harper from someone at Jones College Prep high School - our kids are not the kids that can teach themselves, not yet. But essentially that is what credit recovery is...so out of 140 kids in the program ony 20 have passed and finished a couse...about $40,000 of wasted funds.... "What do I do about my special ed kid that was in the course, even though he shouldn't be and i have been trying to get him out since week one? He finished but has a 27%..."
According the final authority on credit recovery at my school I fail him....I refuse to fail a child that legally has the right to certain resources and modification....I refuse to fail him because we did not provide for him... we did not give him the things he needs... I was told to fail him becasue there was nothing else we could do... This coming from the person who can give me a solution...so what did I do...I didn't give him a grade... I am sure I will be called to the office at somepoint...if they notice...
Tomorrow I either will get more English classes to teach or will continue to teach one English class and have four credit recovery classes... I want English classes.... I didn't move to Chicago to not teach English... I want to be an English teacher...at least right now I do. I hate everything about only having one class... I know the grass is always greener and IF I get a full load I will complain about all the work...but then at least I would be doing something...I am not if I ever felt useless before...I feel like a waste. A teacher who the security gaurds call Ms Computer Teacher... because I push around a computer cart for my almost fail outs... who I love.
I think I am over my head. I know there was a reason, a real reason why I wanted to this, specifically in Chicago. I know I said something to at lwast one person that was genuine real reason to be here for something bigger than me. I know I can still tell you what that is if you give me a minute. But really at this moment I cannot. I go to work everyday and fall in love with my kids. Who really do have the potential to be amazing, to bash in the stereotypes. But then they leave and I fall out of love with Public School.
I ran around the building today trying to figure out what to do about grades for my credit recovery kids...my kids who are in serious danger of failing out of high school so they are taking online credit recovery classes - that are hard, that were brought to Harper from someone at Jones College Prep high School - our kids are not the kids that can teach themselves, not yet. But essentially that is what credit recovery is...so out of 140 kids in the program ony 20 have passed and finished a couse...about $40,000 of wasted funds.... "What do I do about my special ed kid that was in the course, even though he shouldn't be and i have been trying to get him out since week one? He finished but has a 27%..."
According the final authority on credit recovery at my school I fail him....I refuse to fail a child that legally has the right to certain resources and modification....I refuse to fail him because we did not provide for him... we did not give him the things he needs... I was told to fail him becasue there was nothing else we could do... This coming from the person who can give me a solution...so what did I do...I didn't give him a grade... I am sure I will be called to the office at somepoint...if they notice...
Tomorrow I either will get more English classes to teach or will continue to teach one English class and have four credit recovery classes... I want English classes.... I didn't move to Chicago to not teach English... I want to be an English teacher...at least right now I do. I hate everything about only having one class... I know the grass is always greener and IF I get a full load I will complain about all the work...but then at least I would be doing something...I am not if I ever felt useless before...I feel like a waste. A teacher who the security gaurds call Ms Computer Teacher... because I push around a computer cart for my almost fail outs... who I love.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
One down...so much more to go...
< Some of my kiddies!!!
I am one away from having taught my first semester of high school English. I really cannot believe it. I have almost been in Chicago for 6 months. I have almost been out of school for almost 8. Where did the days go? I am going to sleep and waking up each day and moving along to get right back in to bed...for what? I am not sure if I am putting in the best effort I can muster.
I cannot believe I have been here this long. Other TFAers would say "as long as you make it to November you will be fine." Then they said, "You just have to make it to winter break, then you will be fine." Then it is spring break, then you are done with your first year and you are apparently golden...I have feeling fairly rusted at the moment. Perhaps this goldeness comes on fast.
Harper has not changed much. Only two teachers did not come back after the break. Only one really fled the scene, jumped ship. So that is impressive considering people were anticipating about 8 teachers no returning. Granted next year is a whole new question. I have only talked with 4 teachers who want to stay. Three TFA teachers (1 being me) and one teacher who is pregnant. Everyone else is looking for jobs...I am sure it is not everyone but it seems that way.
I want to cry about it. But I won't. Not yet at least.
I cannot imagine spending my entire education know that my teachers didn't want to be there with me. The more I pay attention the more I realize that very few people go in to teaching to teach, very few people are here for the kids...I know how silly of me to think otherwise... I cannot help but think that there are people who have been at Harper for 10 + years because they want to be there for the kids...it was upsetting to realize that they have stayed because it is easier to not look for a liberal arts teaching job. These teachers I am talking about are terrible teachers. One is in my department, has been teaching here for 18 years, she gives the students worksheets and then sits at her desk for the remaining 85 minutes. She supported giving them a standardized test as their final and then awarding them completion grades since the test did not assess anything we actually taught them...she is a grade inflater thus her students are passing...I cannot bring myself to repect her or take any advice from her...
I am finding it harder and harder to know what to think...
Friday, December 5, 2008
"I am stepping out of the text ..."
Scripted Curriculum.
Harper High School is the first of it's kind. It is a Turnaround school. Run in a partnership between Chicago Public Schools (CPS) and the Turnaround Board. A Turnaround school is, essentially a failing schools last chance to remain a school. If the Turnaround fails the school is shut down. So last year they hired a Principal that would remian, the fired all the teachers and then mandated they re interview if they desired to stay at Harper. 12 people returned. Harper currently has 80 teachers. The idea is that if you replace the teachers, change the attitude and approach of how things are taught and change the bell schedule the kids will begin to make enormous gains.
The kids at Harper are not making gains. They are, according to the 12 returning teachers, gettign worse. Security describes our 13 - 20 year old students as "animals." They cannon read. (4% of Harper students read on grade level, out reading team has dubbed 6th grade and above as "on level") They do not what a thesis statement is, they cannot tell you what the climax of the story is, they do not know where to place the comma. (I also have issues with commas, but I know how to think critically, problem solve, use context clues and most importantly and always most importantly - I can read. I can read college level textbooks. I can read and re-read for understanding Michael Foucult.)
I teach English III - because we do not call it British Literature anymore...or at least not in CPS. My curriculum is scripted. I was hired the day before school and sometime in time in thee 2nd week I was handed a bound spiral of pages. On the cover it said "Mysteries." Our first unit would be on Mysteries. Agatha Christie would be our focusing author. Our children would love it for the suspense, the red herrings, the ability to think about clues and evidence. My kids, all the kids at Harper taking English 3 actually, HATE it.
In this curriculum we read to our kids. They do not read the non-independent reading texts aloud. We read to them. Apparently the freshman love it. The multitude of lifetimes that happen between a Harper student's freshman and junior year are un-countable. My kids, my 16 -18 year old kids HATE IT.
"Ms. Miranda why we can't read?"
"Why you always be reading to us?"
"I wan a read!!!"
"I know you want to read but you can't...Why? Well, becasue CPS says you cannot. Because I have been given detailed instructions on how and when to read to you."
They love Agatha let me tell you. They love Agatha about as much as I love Agatha...I cannot stand Agatha. "We" talk about getting reading material our students can relate to, can identify with, Agatha Christie is not in their realm. They have no understanding of The Times or people who sport the pince-nez. London, to a group of kids who are confused when I explain why Chicago is not a state, does not exist. Should my kids know that Chicago is merely a city in a greater world, of course but do they - no. Instead of spending time explaining reference even I barely understand I should teach them. TFA would tell me my kids are not connecting to the reading because I failed to invest them in the reading. My lack of up front engagement is why they roll their eyes when we start independent reading time. Let's not talk about the fact that in week 14 I welcomed 5 new students to my class, lost 3 and lost a co-teacher and gained a new one. Let's not talk about the fact that my students cannot read, either not at the level they need to be reading or not at all but sit silently during independent reading and "read" because I asked them to. Let's not talk about those issues...that would be silly.
I have complaints, complaints for days but I love my kids - even the ones I hate, the ones that make me want to leave my classroom and not come back. I can't help but love them - they are children. For some of them they are children who do not know there is world out side of 63rd to 71st, a world beyond Ashland and Western - that mile and a half is their world. There are children at my school who do not know they cannot read. There are 8 houses on each block around Harper. On Wood st. 5 of those 8 are boarded up, on Honore - 4, on 65th - 6 and on 66th - 4. Englewood is everything to them and with each year it seems only to get worse.
Harper High School is the first of it's kind. It is a Turnaround school. Run in a partnership between Chicago Public Schools (CPS) and the Turnaround Board. A Turnaround school is, essentially a failing schools last chance to remain a school. If the Turnaround fails the school is shut down. So last year they hired a Principal that would remian, the fired all the teachers and then mandated they re interview if they desired to stay at Harper. 12 people returned. Harper currently has 80 teachers. The idea is that if you replace the teachers, change the attitude and approach of how things are taught and change the bell schedule the kids will begin to make enormous gains.
The kids at Harper are not making gains. They are, according to the 12 returning teachers, gettign worse. Security describes our 13 - 20 year old students as "animals." They cannon read. (4% of Harper students read on grade level, out reading team has dubbed 6th grade and above as "on level") They do not what a thesis statement is, they cannot tell you what the climax of the story is, they do not know where to place the comma. (I also have issues with commas, but I know how to think critically, problem solve, use context clues and most importantly and always most importantly - I can read. I can read college level textbooks. I can read and re-read for understanding Michael Foucult.)
I teach English III - because we do not call it British Literature anymore...or at least not in CPS. My curriculum is scripted. I was hired the day before school and sometime in time in thee 2nd week I was handed a bound spiral of pages. On the cover it said "Mysteries." Our first unit would be on Mysteries. Agatha Christie would be our focusing author. Our children would love it for the suspense, the red herrings, the ability to think about clues and evidence. My kids, all the kids at Harper taking English 3 actually, HATE it.
In this curriculum we read to our kids. They do not read the non-independent reading texts aloud. We read to them. Apparently the freshman love it. The multitude of lifetimes that happen between a Harper student's freshman and junior year are un-countable. My kids, my 16 -18 year old kids HATE IT.
"Ms. Miranda why we can't read?"
"Why you always be reading to us?"
"I wan a read!!!"
"I know you want to read but you can't...Why? Well, becasue CPS says you cannot. Because I have been given detailed instructions on how and when to read to you."
They love Agatha let me tell you. They love Agatha about as much as I love Agatha...I cannot stand Agatha. "We" talk about getting reading material our students can relate to, can identify with, Agatha Christie is not in their realm. They have no understanding of The Times or people who sport the pince-nez. London, to a group of kids who are confused when I explain why Chicago is not a state, does not exist. Should my kids know that Chicago is merely a city in a greater world, of course but do they - no. Instead of spending time explaining reference even I barely understand I should teach them. TFA would tell me my kids are not connecting to the reading because I failed to invest them in the reading. My lack of up front engagement is why they roll their eyes when we start independent reading time. Let's not talk about the fact that in week 14 I welcomed 5 new students to my class, lost 3 and lost a co-teacher and gained a new one. Let's not talk about the fact that my students cannot read, either not at the level they need to be reading or not at all but sit silently during independent reading and "read" because I asked them to. Let's not talk about those issues...that would be silly.
I have complaints, complaints for days but I love my kids - even the ones I hate, the ones that make me want to leave my classroom and not come back. I can't help but love them - they are children. For some of them they are children who do not know there is world out side of 63rd to 71st, a world beyond Ashland and Western - that mile and a half is their world. There are children at my school who do not know they cannot read. There are 8 houses on each block around Harper. On Wood st. 5 of those 8 are boarded up, on Honore - 4, on 65th - 6 and on 66th - 4. Englewood is everything to them and with each year it seems only to get worse.
Friday, November 21, 2008
It gets easier...so they say.
I don't want to say that Chicago is cold. It is much more than that. Plus, well, duh.
They say if you make it through to November you will make it. I feel like once we get back the same people will be saying "If you make it to February you will make it." Then it will be "once your done with the first year you are golden..."
I decided to take a more positive perspective on the issue. One: I made it to January. Two: I have a million miles to go - I cannot give up now.
I have so many crazy stories, some sad, some ridiculous and others almost unbelievable. I feel like the time for telling them is gone. I think I freaked a few people out. I definitely have not told my parents the majority of what goes on at Harper. Harper, my kids, Teach for America has dominated the majority of all my conversations...what does that say about me...have I become my work...am I ok with that...no I am not. I could lie but people would know.
I have been thinking about what happens next. More and more the conversation about the next few years come up. I never want to say what I am thinking. It isn't fair that I would just leave. But I might want to.
I never deal well with bureaucracy but I manage to always find myself neck deep in it. I knew everything was about hierarchies but I think I didn't want too believe it. I am full of Denial. Who knew...everyone but me?
I am one week from finishing my FIRST SEMESTER OF TEACHING. Unbelievable!
I have been thinking about what happens next. More and more the conversation about the next few years come up. I never want to say what I am thinking. It isn't fair that I would just leave. But I might want to.
I never deal well with bureaucracy but I manage to always find myself neck deep in it. I knew everything was about hierarchies but I think I didn't want too believe it. I am full of Denial. Who knew...everyone but me?
I am one week from finishing my FIRST SEMESTER OF TEACHING. Unbelievable!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Welcome to Englewood! Home of the Harper High School Cardinals!
I guess I am blogging - but let's not call it that - I don't like that - I am not really sure why but I don't. Anywho. Check back here to see what is going on in Chicago. I will put pictures up this time...but again, I need to figure out how first.
Don't judge the crappy grammar... (insert confused "you're an English teacher comment here."
Thanks for reading
Margi
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