Ms. Miranda Come Back!

Yesterday I was eating lunch during my fifth period class...I was not in class because they are supposed to pay you more if you teach more than 5 classes and I guess you cannot teach four in row...so I was enjoying some leftovers (because you know I cook regularly now) while my co teacher was supposed to be administering a test to the kiddies....

Next thing I know, Doni and Shay bust in to the work room all worked up (haha) about something and are yelling - because that is the prefered volume for Harper kids - albeit apologizing for interupting our lunch.worktime....that was nice of them.... essentially this is what happened...

"Ms. Miranda, we left out because wes not be doing anything in there...I know Ms. Miranda I cmplained because you be givin us too much work but I WANT SOME WORK! (hand thrusts out towards me) She not be doing anyhting, that wite lady, all them kids be messin around, Come back! That white lady is just standing there she said 'I am not even a real teacher, I am not your teacher Ms Miranda is your teacher, and I dont have anything for you to do...I dont know waht you are supposed to be doing, I am the SPECIAL ED teacher I can only give these kdis grades....then she read the names... Ms. Miranda be our teacher agian"


1. Co teaching is about doing what is best for all the students in class...I work very hard so the kids dont know the real reason why there are two teachers in the room...they are just "fortunate to have two teachers to help you...."
2. HELLO Student confidentiality...YOU CANNOT READ OFF THE ROSTER OF IES KIDS! DUH!
3. Where do they finds some of these people...White Lady...if you can't handle it get out of the Kitchen....that's why we pay security....
4. Those kids are not even that bad!!! they talk they walk around, but the are good kids...White Lady needs to step it up and DO HER JOB!
5. She is one the 11th grade team she has the lesson plans and is provided with the same materials I am...NOTHING. She should have DONE HER JOB and prepared for class...especially since this was her 3rd day with them and she KNEW I WASNT going to bee there!
6. Seriously where do they find these teachers!

Slap Heard Around the Stairwell...

I slapped a kid today.

After running around the entire building during 3rd period today looking for my co-teacher...who is NEVER where she should be...(I think she hides from me...because I make her work...haha! well, DUH!) I was running down the main stairwell when I saw a Fulton*....I knew the other 3 were close behind. Before I have the chance to see any of the others or finish say "hey Arsenio," my Matrix reflexes kick in and I am dodging a water bottle that is enroute directly at my face! Now, while normally I would have been pegged in the face with said water bottle I am current TEACHER MARGI, so these Matrix reflexes I actually possess! They all immediately stop and back up against the wall and start apologizes like there is no tomorrow, even the ones that didn't do anything. Because I know the Fulton Brothers I know, even though technically I didn't see, that Michael (the non-Fulton) threw the bottle. I took two steps towards him and the all stoped - silent for the first time, maybe ever... he lifted his hands and I slapped him...He knew it was coming. I looked them all in the eye as I turned down the stairs. The other three busted up laughing...and I definately did too! Security came running...always too late, and I just looked at them and continued on my way...

*The Fulton Brothers are quadruplets...three of which go to Harper, there are actually 13 total Fultons, I think 5 go to Harper, not all of them have the last name of Fulton, one is named Michael - not entirely sure I believe he is related to the quads but is ALWAYS with them...they are never in class, always wandering the hallway, ALWAYS! Together, they following me around, always appearing in my classes, I don't offcially have ANY of them! Aaron, the oldests likes o ask me to marry him everyday...then the asks for a divorce when I start repremanding him for not being in class...so this also happens daily!

Before you call the authorities on me know that I NEVER do this! I am suprised that I did... but because it was the Fultons I deem it ok. I deem it Hilarious! If you think the Fultons were upset with me then you better believe that 2 of the four tried to break in to my 8th period "but we love you, we don't like our 8th period teacher...come on let us in...please?"


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Today is day two of the 8 classes a day for 45ish minutes. I love it. They day flies by, I don't have time to be tired. I actually ran out of time and didn't get to all the reading! That has NEVER happened before!

Today was also Senior Skip Day Part 1...apparently this is a 4 part spectacle!

I implemented a seating chart for my crazy 2nd period 12th grade class...which I think having a seating chart for 12th graders is DUMB...but this class needs it...I had a whole speal about how they could "win" back the right to sit where they want. but of course because of Part 1 of the Four part Series all the kiddos I needed to hear my seating chart soap box were Abesnt!

Such is life!!!

Mondays are for changes...

I think the weather is getting to me... tomorrow we will be back in the negatives... I never had an issue with negative numbers but now I hate them... They hurt me, especially my legs...my legs were not meant for this weather...and it really hurts the no brushing the hair thing I have going...leaving the house with wet hair I am pretty sure is a bad idea.

Monday the 26th is the first day of our spring semester. I am 90% sure that I am will have all new classes with all new kids...up till now I have been teaching the 11th grade - now I am teaching the 12th grade... While this is good for me in terms of creating lessons, having more freedom and what not I am losing my 11th graders...

I am really happy and excited to teach the 12th grade for one I now have 3 sections of English instead of just one.. but I feel like ultimately all these changes does an immense disservice to our kids.

What would be better?

It is 8:52 pm and I am in bed. My heart hurts and I want to cry. This one is going to be complainy.

I think I am over my head. I know there was a reason, a real reason why I wanted to this, specifically in Chicago. I know I said something to at lwast one person that was genuine real reason to be here for something bigger than me. I know I can still tell you what that is if you give me a minute. But really at this moment I cannot. I go to work everyday and fall in love with my kids. Who really do have the potential to be amazing, to bash in the stereotypes. But then they leave and I fall out of love with Public School.

I ran around the building today trying to figure out what to do about grades for my credit recovery kids...my kids who are in serious danger of failing out of high school so they are taking online credit recovery classes - that are hard, that were brought to Harper from someone at Jones College Prep high School - our kids are not the kids that can teach themselves, not yet. But essentially that is what credit recovery is...so out of 140 kids in the program ony 20 have passed and finished a couse...about $40,000 of wasted funds.... "What do I do about my special ed kid that was in the course, even though he shouldn't be and i have been trying to get him out since week one? He finished but has a 27%..."
According the final authority on credit recovery at my school I fail him....I refuse to fail a child that legally has the right to certain resources and modification....I refuse to fail him because we did not provide for him... we did not give him the things he needs... I was told to fail him becasue there was nothing else we could do... This coming from the person who can give me a solution...so what did I do...I didn't give him a grade... I am sure I will be called to the office at somepoint...if they notice...

Tomorrow I either will get more English classes to teach or will continue to teach one English class and have four credit recovery classes... I want English classes.... I didn't move to Chicago to not teach English... I want to be an English teacher...at least right now I do. I hate everything about only having one class... I know the grass is always greener and IF I get a full load I will complain about all the work...but then at least I would be doing something...I am not if I ever felt useless before...I feel like a waste. A teacher who the security gaurds call Ms Computer Teacher... because I push around a computer cart for my almost fail outs... who I love.

One down...so much more to go...

< Some of my kiddies!!!

I am one away from having taught my first semester of high school English. I really cannot believe it. I have almost been in Chicago for 6 months. I have almost been out of school for almost 8. Where did the days go? I am going to sleep and waking up each day and moving along to get right back in to bed...for what? I am not sure if I am putting in the best effort I can muster.

I cannot believe I have been here this long. Other TFAers would say "as long as you make it to November you will be fine." Then they said, "You just have to make it to winter break, then you will be fine." Then it is spring break, then you are done with your first year and you are apparently golden...I have feeling fairly rusted at the moment. Perhaps this goldeness comes on fast.

Harper has not changed much. Only two teachers did not come back after the break. Only one really fled the scene, jumped ship. So that is impressive considering people were anticipating about 8 teachers no returning. Granted next year is a whole new question. I have only talked with 4 teachers who want to stay. Three TFA teachers (1 being me) and one teacher who is pregnant. Everyone else is looking for jobs...I am sure it is not everyone but it seems that way.

I want to cry about it. But I won't. Not yet at least.

I cannot imagine spending my entire education know that my teachers didn't want to be there with me. The more I pay attention the more I realize that very few people go in to teaching to teach, very few people are here for the kids...I know how silly of me to think otherwise... I cannot help but think that there are people who have been at Harper for 10 + years because they want to be there for the kids...it was upsetting to realize that they have stayed because it is easier to not look for a liberal arts teaching job. These teachers I am talking about are terrible teachers. One is in my department, has been teaching here for 18 years, she gives the students worksheets and then sits at her desk for the remaining 85 minutes. She supported giving them a standardized test as their final and then awarding them completion grades since the test did not assess anything we actually taught them...she is a grade inflater thus her students are passing...I cannot bring myself to repect her or take any advice from her...

I am finding it harder and harder to know what to think...

"I am stepping out of the text ..."

Scripted Curriculum.

Harper High School is the first of it's kind. It is a Turnaround school. Run in a partnership between Chicago Public Schools (CPS) and the Turnaround Board. A Turnaround school is, essentially a failing schools last chance to remain a school. If the Turnaround fails the school is shut down. So last year they hired a Principal that would remian, the fired all the teachers and then mandated they re interview if they desired to stay at Harper. 12 people returned. Harper currently has 80 teachers. The idea is that if you replace the teachers, change the attitude and approach of how things are taught and change the bell schedule the kids will begin to make enormous gains.

The kids at Harper are not making gains. They are, according to the 12 returning teachers, gettign worse. Security describes our 13 - 20 year old students as "animals." They cannon read. (4% of Harper students read on grade level, out reading team has dubbed 6th grade and above as "on level") They do not what a thesis statement is, they cannot tell you what the climax of the story is, they do not know where to place the comma. (I also have issues with commas, but I know how to think critically, problem solve, use context clues and most importantly and always most importantly - I can read. I can read college level textbooks. I can read and re-read for understanding Michael Foucult.)

I teach English III - because we do not call it British Literature anymore...or at least not in CPS. My curriculum is scripted. I was hired the day before school and sometime in time in thee 2nd week I was handed a bound spiral of pages. On the cover it said "Mysteries." Our first unit would be on Mysteries. Agatha Christie would be our focusing author. Our children would love it for the suspense, the red herrings, the ability to think about clues and evidence. My kids, all the kids at Harper taking English 3 actually, HATE it.

In this curriculum we read to our kids. They do not read the non-independent reading texts aloud. We read to them. Apparently the freshman love it. The multitude of lifetimes that happen between a Harper student's freshman and junior year are un-countable. My kids, my 16 -18 year old kids HATE IT.
"Ms. Miranda why we can't read?"
"Why you always be reading to us?"
"I wan a read!!!"

"I know you want to read but you can't...Why? Well, becasue CPS says you cannot. Because I have been given detailed instructions on how and when to read to you."

They love Agatha let me tell you. They love Agatha about as much as I love Agatha...I cannot stand Agatha. "We" talk about getting reading material our students can relate to, can identify with, Agatha Christie is not in their realm. They have no understanding of The Times or people who sport the pince-nez. London, to a group of kids who are confused when I explain why Chicago is not a state, does not exist. Should my kids know that Chicago is merely a city in a greater world, of course but do they - no. Instead of spending time explaining reference even I barely understand I should teach them. TFA would tell me my kids are not connecting to the reading because I failed to invest them in the reading. My lack of up front engagement is why they roll their eyes when we start independent reading time. Let's not talk about the fact that in week 14 I welcomed 5 new students to my class, lost 3 and lost a co-teacher and gained a new one. Let's not talk about the fact that my students cannot read, either not at the level they need to be reading or not at all but sit silently during independent reading and "read" because I asked them to. Let's not talk about those issues...that would be silly.

I have complaints, complaints for days but I love my kids - even the ones I hate, the ones that make me want to leave my classroom and not come back. I can't help but love them - they are children. For some of them they are children who do not know there is world out side of 63rd to 71st, a world beyond Ashland and Western - that mile and a half is their world. There are children at my school who do not know they cannot read. There are 8 houses on each block around Harper. On Wood st. 5 of those 8 are boarded up, on Honore - 4, on 65th - 6 and on 66th - 4. Englewood is everything to them and with each year it seems only to get worse.

It gets easier...so they say.

I don't want to say that Chicago is cold. It is much more than that. Plus, well, duh.

They say if you make it through to November you will make it. I feel like once we get back the same people will be saying "If you make it to February you will make it." Then it will be "once your done with the first year you are golden..."

I decided to take a more positive perspective on the issue. One: I made it to January. Two: I have a million miles to go - I cannot give up now.

I have so many crazy stories, some sad, some ridiculous and others almost unbelievable. I feel like the time for telling them is gone. I think I freaked a few people out. I definitely have not told my parents the majority of what goes on at Harper. Harper, my kids, Teach for America has dominated the majority of all my conversations...what does that say about me...have I become my work...am I ok with that...no I am not. I could lie but people would know.

I have been thinking about what happens next. More and more the conversation about the next few years come up. I never want to say what I am thinking. It isn't fair that I would just leave. But I might want to.

I never deal well with bureaucracy but I manage to always find myself neck deep in it. I knew everything was about hierarchies but I think I didn't want too believe it. I am full of Denial. Who knew...everyone but me?

I am one week from finishing my FIRST SEMESTER OF TEACHING. Unbelievable!